Gabby Witt 5:41
okay, let's get to it. I'm so excited for this episode of unlocking your more. I have Gabby with me today. We are well, we have been through intuition training together, so I'm super excited for this episode, because we're kind of going to dive into friendships, the lessons learned, and you know what we can do to make like the most high quality friendships. So yeah, you want to introduce yourself before we dive into things.
Gabby Witt 6:09
Yes, hello guys, Janna, thank you so much for having me on your podcast. My name is Gabby Witt, and I love friendships. It's all so interesting. Definitely been through the ringer with friendships in the past, abandonment issues, all the things that come with it. It's not super fun, but learning how to navigate certain things and react differently, respond differently, and attract more aligned people into my life has been a really cool experience, so I'm excited to share that today.
Gabby Witt 6:39
Me too. I think it's really interesting, because I feel like in life, we just get so busy, we're caught up in so many things, and a lot of the time, friendships aren't the priority, like they were when we were in school or whatnot. And this was something that I experienced a lot, like moving from Canada down to Florida, I met like one person, right off the bat, and I kind of got into this friend group, but only like the one person was like somebody, I would say is like my person, everybody else was just kind of those, like, yeah, like, I'll hang out with you. But I didn't have these, like, deep connections with them, and I found myself getting so many reflections in my social area of life. And just the quick caveat of the reflections, if you don't already know, is basically where our higher selves are seeing things that are out of alignment in our life. It kind of puts it The like spotlight on an area of life where we are hyper aware and notice. So it's always like we get these things that are out of balance are mirroring back to us those things that are out of balance, so that we can shift them. But it's always on the areas that we focus on. And I always had this feeling that, like my social area, you know, I was just kind of like, Oh, I wish I had better quality friends. I wish I did more things, you know, I had more aligned things. So that was, I feel like, because I was focused on it, I would get all these reflections.
Gabby Witt 8:10
Yes, 1,000% I feel you there. It's interesting, the social reflections. I'll go months without having them, and then out of nowhere. It feels like out of nowhere, suddenly, one will happen in my social area of life, and it's so frustrating, and it's so annoying because it's like, you're smooth sailing, you're having fun, and then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, like somebody's not talking to you, somebody's not replying, somebody's inviting other people and not inviting You, like, just somewhere, and then you're like, Okay, well, what do I do now?
Gabby Witt 8:45
Yeah, yeah, that was what happened to me a lot, was the like, people inviting other people and not me to things, and then it was, like, it was so interesting, because it would be things that I wouldn't necessarily even want to go to. Like, there were certain things. There were certain things, like some of the group had like, kids, and it would be like an event that they were doing with their children, and I was not invited, and that my brain would be like, you know, they're excluding you. They don't really like you. And I'm like, I don't have a kid. It was logical that they didn't necessarily invite me, and I don't really want to go see other people's kids, like, playing. It was just so interesting. And how our brains, like, interpret these things,
Gabby Witt 9:24
though, yes, 1,000% my brain always goes like, Okay, well, even if I wouldn't have really liked it like, I can still hang. They should know I should I can
Gabby Witt 9:34
still hang. They should have invited me
Gabby Witt 9:36
anyway, right? Yes, 1,000%
Gabby Witt 9:40
Yeah, and get that strong, like fear FOMO, that fear of missing out, even if it's that thing that we don't want to do,
Gabby Witt 9:48
absolutely so
Gabby Witt 9:51
being a trained intuitive, what has evolved in your friendships, like with this knowledge and understanding and kind of being tapped into your higher self and what you know we're actually supposed to be doing here?
Gabby Witt 10:08
Oh my gosh, I just got full body goosebumps. That is such a good question. I think one of the biggest things that have shifted is I've learned to not make other people's stuff and how they're treating me and how they're treating their friends means something about them, and I kind of turned back on me. Yeah, for example, the first time this happened, I think this was back in like, intuition level one, my best friend got another friend, and this friend, she started talking to all the time. She started telling all of her business to and she stopped telling me stuff. And at this time, she was one of my like she was literally my ride or die best friend. And I remember before intuition, I would have spiraled. I would have God like she's I'm gonna get replaced. She's gonna like her more than me. I'm not going to be loved like, I'm just going to be thrown to the wayside. Yeah. And then after getting into intuition, I was basically able to go inward and be like, Okay, why is this bothering me? Why am I why am I afraid this is going to happen? And then I realized it had nothing to do with her, nothing to do and everything to do with my own perception of myself, and I think it had to do with, like, my finances or like my career, right? Because the problems you guys are experiencing, they didn't start where you're experiencing them. So like, your friendship issues are not actually coming from your friendships. They're usually coming from a different area of life that you're not paying attention to. So in that experience happening, I was actually able to figure out where I was. Basically, I think I was making myself feel replaced or not making myself not feel important. It was like a vocationary of life or finances. I was able to shift that. And now, even to this day, they're super close friends still, and I'm like unaffected. I love it. I've more so reconnected with why I'm the best of the best, why it can only be gotten from me, why, even if she were to go make 100 new friends, no one would ever be exactly like me. But in the same frame of that, there's definitely been some different friendship things that have come up even in the last like month or two, and that specifically I've handled differently. In the sense of two of my closest friends here, like all of my friends live out of state, literally all of my friends live out of state. I'm sure you probably feel great having intuition friends, yes,
Gabby Witt 12:43
all over, I mean, the full continent, yes.
Gabby Witt 12:49
And so it's, you catch up on Zoom, you catch up on FaceTime. But I feel like there's something so powerful and so much more fun being in person. Yeah. And I discovered I've had some connections with some people who I absolutely love. They're great. But over the last, like, you know, three or four years, we've been really close. We've been really tight. And then over the last two months, they stopped inviting me to things. They've stopped texting me. They stopped they kind of, quote, unquote, replaced me with, like, other people, and nothing's happened, right? Like nothing is, quote, unquote, happened. And I remember feeling bothered about it for about two weeks, yep. And then when I finally, obviously having intuition, we can look in and see why those things are happening. Still human, and I still can,
Gabby Witt 13:40
still can have the full breakdown before you're like, Oh yeah, I can look into this and figure it out.
Gabby Witt 13:46
Yeah, I remember, I like, I was definitely bent up about it for two weeks, and I thought I was over it, and then again, and I'm like, okay, like, I'm not over
Gabby Witt 13:55
it, fine. I'll look
Gabby Witt 13:56
into this. Yeah. And I actually had one of the our other intuitive friends kind of helped me look into it, because it's not just that's the other thing, too, guys, until you get the message, things in your life will continue to happen and poke at you. Get Louder, louder message, yep, yes. And it got to the point where every single, literally, every single person in my life, except for like, two, were waiting weeks to reply to me, like weeks and like I sometimes I do that too, but it doesn't usually happen back to me. So yes, all these different things were happening, and I finally sat down, one of my intuitive friends looked into it, and when we got down to it, it ended up being, I don't feel special like at my core who I am as a person in certain areas of my career, like I wasn't feeling like one of a kind, like the best of the best, like how and in certain other areas of life, I do, but in this one specific aspect, I wasn't, and as soon as I started to shift that, not even kidding you, I got like five texts I got invited to something from one of the people who stopped inviting me to things like so this stuff works quickly, but I think the biggest thing that I learned from this experience is I was so scared to lose my friends and the two the two people involved, I'm going to be so honest with you, I don't know what's going to happen, because I've been shifting and, like, they changed a little bit, but it's still not fully shifting, and I think as a result of that, it's kind of gotten me. The huge benefit is I'm looking within and I'm deciding what I actually, truly want from a friendship, and it's Yeah, help me dive into Who am I hanging out with and communicating with and engaging with that I because I actually love them, because I actually want to learn more, because they actually lift me up. And who am I hanging out with, and like trying to force a relationship with and keep a relationship with, even though they're not reaching out to me. Who am I hanging out with that I'm only hanging out with them because they're I feel like they're the only ones there.
Gabby Witt 16:08
Yeah, I think this is a really, it can be a difficult process, but like, a good process to go on. And this has kind of been, like, as I've grown too, right? Like, we want to have those really high quality relationships that you feel like you can be your full, authentic self, mentally, physically, emotionally, and there is that level of, I think, understanding how like with the reflection component, I think this is something that's really important For us, of how much is that friend like playing the script that you're giving them in that they're literally being that mirror of our own deepest insecurities and wounds back to us. Because there is a component of that right, like those people who are closest with us tend to reflect those our deepest wounds back to us. And it could be so triggering, and it's so easy to blame them for it. And I think we have to take that pause of okay, the words that they say give you that script and like that understanding of what they think about themselves, but your perception of what they said to you is how you think about yourselves. And I think this is so incredibly powerful for literally every situation is to take that pause and like, separate it. I was like, okay, they said this. I can look at that and be like, Okay, this is how they actually think about themselves. Interesting. I should know that, you know, just so I can future reference at, but really, where we want to dive into is that okay, like, where are my insecurities in this situation? And how can I overcome them? And then if you do overcome them, you shift that. How is the friendship or the relationship? Because a lot of the times it does shift, and that's the point where you can be like, you know, what? Maybe I have outgrown this, or maybe we're not aligned, you know, in these certain ways. Or I want to have somebody who is interested in these, this, you know, one activity more than they are. Whatever it is, like, it's really important that you have your reasons and you feel good with them. But I always think like we do have to look into what is what? What are they mirroring back to us, and then go to the like, okay, you know what this chapter of life and friendship is? It's okay that it comes to a close.
Gabby Witt 18:38
Oh yes, Janna, I have a couple questions for you. As you were talking, I'm like, ooh. Like, I love this perspective. And I do think, I do think I probably need to have, like, a good somatic cry or some type of motion always, I do feel like a little bit of the wound. As you were talking, I'm like, Oh, yeah. Like, no, it does still, like, even I'm working on the reflection like it does still sting a little bit, but I'm curious on your thoughts. The thing something that I really like in friendships and in people, and it's something that I haven't had a problem attracting like, I don't think so, until, literally, the last couple months, when this started to happen. It's this thing where I love when people invite me to things. I love when people are the planners. I love when people set things up. Like, I love not having to be the one to like, carry the relationship, if you will. And I'm curious what your thoughts on that are, because, like, let's say this situation, if I want to continue with these people, but the landscape is changing. I'm no longer being invited to things, and it's not I don't know. It's like a different landscape. So I'm curious, where's the line between. I know I could reprogram my brain and start doing things like, Okay, I always get invited to things and like, putting that out in my field and belief system, and then people will start inviting me to things, but I'm just curious. Like, I don't always want to manipulate things like that. I kind of just be a natural attractor of those things. And if those things have stopped happening, especially in friendships, like, what would, how would you go about that? What are your thoughts on that?
Gabby Witt 20:23
So it's interesting because it feels so basically like, this is like a feminine, feminine, masculine energy kind of situation where you're in your feminine, where you're like, oh, I want to, like, I want somebody else to plan it for me. I want to show up and be done, which, you know, I love. And it's interesting, because I'm normally in the masculine energy and that, like, I'm the planner. So I think it's important that we recognize, like, in our social area, like our friendships and whatnot, like, where do we tend to fall in that? Like, are we leaning more masculine, where we're just, like, kind of allowing the situations to come to us. Or are we the one who's like, constantly, like, you know, making sure that everybody's dietary needs are met and everybody has, like, fun and everybody's schedules align? Like, I think there's a time and a place for both, but most of us tend to like, lean more to one or the other. And I think there is a something to be said for balance. So if you're always expecting somebody to message you, maybe that is like you're a little bit too much in your feminine and it doesn't have to be all of the time. Maybe your balance is like 20% of the time you reach out, or you suggest, you know, going for sushi or whatever it is, because, like, that's something that you genuinely want to do. So I think that's really where I go with it. Of, I've been actually focusing more on the feminine side of, like, allowing those situations to come to me, because I'm always the one instigating and planning. So you need to maybe, like, switch it you you could instigate and plan if they're the people that you want to hang out with again, right? Like we have this choice. We have free will.
Gabby Witt 22:09
It's true. It's true. I feel like the people who I am really close with, like the ones, again, these ones did not shift, like my real tight ride or dies did not shift during this time. It was kind of like the ones who I hang out with. Outside of that, everything started to shift. I thought that that was interesting, too. But I like, I like what you're saying with that, and I do, I do like being in the feminine, but I think a piece of that is it's easier to catch the vibe of people, and when you're in the feminine to receive because, for example, I could reach out to people. Well, let's say I want to make friends with someone, and I'm in the masculine chair reaching out to them. I don't know how it's going to go. I don't know if they're going to like me. I don't even know if we have anything in common, but I just, like, feel drawn. I think I've done this too. I'm like, Janna, I want to be your friend. You're like, you're so cool. Like, I can't even really explain why I do reach out to people, but it's like, this feeling that I have. I'm like, I want to talk to this person. I want to feel this person. And I can't even figure out why, but it's in the feminine chair. It's easier because it's like they're reaching out to you. So I already know that they're like, interested in, like getting to know me, or like exploring things, versus me coming on full force, because I can be a lot, yes,
Gabby Witt 23:33
but it's safer. It's safer when they're reaching out to you. So when you reach out, there is that fear of rejection. What if they say no? What if they're like, this bitch, I hate her.
Gabby Witt 23:47
Like, oh my god, so true.
Gabby Witt 23:50
So it's just just for that awareness of like, maybe it's because it's safer for your nervous system to have people reach out to you,
Gabby Witt 24:01
yeah, that's a good point. And maybe just building up your self image enough to not care, yeah, or
Gabby Witt 24:08
even just recognizing it, like, ooh, that feels a little uncomfy. Well, what is the worst case that's going to happen? Like, they could be like, No. Most people aren't gonna be like, You know what? Here's a list of all of your flaws in life. Like, they're just gonna be like, Oh no, I can't do that day. Or like, No, thanks.
Gabby Witt 24:29
Like, see where is the line between like, Have you ever done this where you're trying to catch a vibe with someone and you're trying to see, like, okay, are we? Are we cool? Are we not like, Are we are we compatible? That's a good one. Are we compatible? Like, what happens when the conversation dies? Do you reach out again? Or, like, at what point do you decide, like, okay, like, they're just not just not feeling it like, if you're on a date, like you can kind
Gabby Witt 24:55
of feel like, I think it's the same as like, I feel like we put too much pressure on things, right? Like, it's the same with dating, like people are on the first date being like, is he marriage material? Like, and can I have him have my or can we have our three babies? Are we gonna have the house in the sub? Or, like, we're like, we we go zero to 100 Yeah. Not like it. You know, life is not black or white. It's a little bit gray. And I think the same thing we just put so much pressure on, like me sending this message or community, like talking with this person, could make or break the next, like, 30 years. Like, no, oh my god. So it literally could just be like, You know what? This is my opportunity to determine whether or not like this person and I are compatible at friends,
Gabby Witt 25:53
love, Okay, second thoughts. These are all things that I've been like experiencing and going through my head over the last few weeks, especially after because you know that thing that always happens, and they always talk about where you start going through your spiritual awakening, and then people start falling off, and then you get into intuition, and then you discover things about reflections. And you're like, oh, okay, it wasn't Oh, you went through spiritual awakening and people fell off. It's, those are reflections. Maybe you out of alignment with them, but I'm curious. It's like, what's the line between, okay? Like, people are falling off, and now it's time to make new for room for new friends. And what's the line between, okay? Like, this is a reflection. I need to work on my stuff. And I guess, I guess I'm answering my own question. It's like, if they change, then great, but if they don't change, then you can decide from the neutral balance place, like they're not aligned anymore. I'm curious, though, from there, what would be your way of attracting new friends. Because in my head, what I'm going through right now is I'm kind of building the basis for what I desire out of friendships, what I desire out of relationships, and what I really enjoy compatibility wise. So I'm just curious on like, your thoughts on that and your take.
Gabby Witt 27:19
So I do think you kind of like answered you answered your other answer your question on your own. So with, like, new friendships. I don't know if I have, like, a secret sauce recipe for this. I would love to have one for me personally, I was like, oh, like, I haven't got the friends that I want. Like, I had all this drama in my brain, and I, like, completely excluded, like, Internet people as the options, yeah. And so this was, like, literally, I was like, Oh, I just like, don't have the quality of friendships. Like, I feel like that. I want all this and and I don't even remember somebody was doing a read with me, and they're like, well, like, you talk to me, like, multiple times a week. I think it was Anne. And, yeah, it was Anne. And I'm like, Oh, you're right. And I like, literally, like, kind of started thinking about, like, how many people I've read met through the intuition community and that, and been so beautiful. And then we got to see each other in January and everything, and it's like, oh, we're like, such close friends. And it was just so funny that my brain had, like, completely excluded, like that as a possibility. So I think this is really what our brains do because, because we have a reticulating, activating system. So our brain is only focusing on what it thinks is most relevant. So the online friendships I had created from doing intuition training was not in my brain's like focus of how friendships could be made like it was outside of the like, oh, well, you're supposed to meet them this way, and it's supposed to work out this way. And I think this is what happens so much. Is like we are sitting there being like, well, it has to come in this particular way or it's not going to happen. And so I really think that we again, we just put so much pressure on, like, how we create this friendship? Like, who knows if we're creating that? Like, okay, like, what do you, you know, admire in a friend? Like, what is important to you we can't see in other people, what we don't have ourselves in ourselves. So if you focus on really cultivating and finding evidence like about how you have those qualities, and growing that for yourself and working on yourself, you've put that energy out there that you're looking for friends. So you know, maybe it's going to be in your Pilates class, or you meet them at whole food. Like, we don't know, we don't know, but all you can do is focus on ourselves, and then, yeah, you can't be a complete hermit in your house and like, never leave and never go online, yes, or maybe, if you like, go online and you only scroll but never engage. So you need to be engaging with people in some context in order to make a friend. But beyond that is focusing on what we can do to become that, like, ideal friend.
Gabby Witt 30:25
Love that, okay, yeah, I love that, especially the giving it, giving whatever we desire, from a friendship to ourselves, after this whole last two month debacle of like, basically losing, not literally losing my friend group, but feeling like I've lost my in my friend group, in person again, obviously spiral. Obviously, I need to still shake some of it off and keep shifting. But for the most part, I've noticed over the last week I've felt so much more of a deeper peace and almost exciting, because I got to the point where I neutralized enough of it. Now I'm like, Oh, well, like, technically, I don't even really need friends. I'm working on my business. Like, I'm doing this. It gives me more time to, like, like, the other day, I had an hour's worth of audio messages to catch up on from all all of my internet people, all my internet besties, and I was sitting here, and I'm like, it's actually so good that I don't have a whole flock of in person friends right now, because where would I even have the time like all these things, like, really locking into why it's the best thing ever that this has actually happened to me, and as soon as I did that, now, suddenly I feel like a weight is lifted off my shoulders, and I'm like, literally, not that deep? Yeah, it got me in the sense of, obviously, there's a reflection, but it's not like, I'm doomed to die alone, without friendships and loved. And like all those little green wants to think it's like, no, like, how is this actually the most empowering experience and giving you the ability to work on the things that you actually want to work on? And, oh my gosh, Janna, that's the other thing too. There is this thing that happens. I've done it a million times. I've seen it done a million times. I've seen it in movies. I've seen it in friendships. I've seen it all over the place. And it's thing that happens where, let's say you're in a relationship and, like, with a guy, and then you start to pull back, suddenly, that guy is, like, all over you. That guy can feel you pulling away. He's like, doing everything to get you back. Like, and it's ironic, because it's like, oh, like, you know, if you were doing this before, like, maybe I wouldn't have wanted you, but it's like, now you're not, like, there's just a divide. And it's interesting, because in friendships, I've noticed that when friends start to pull back, I suddenly feel this urge to like. I'm like, wait, wait, wait, come back like them. I'm like, doing all these things. I'm like, going out of my way to make sure that they know that I'm interested in this thing like, and I'm like, wait, in that process, though, I start neglecting the friendships that are actually always solid, interesting. Took me about a week to realize this. As soon as all of this stuff started going down, like my three friends who were always super, super solid, literally all from intuition. One, not from intuition, but like, She's involved. Anyways, I realized that I was leaving them on red like I realized that I wasn't FaceTiming them as much. I wasn't focusing on them because I was too busy trying to save and recover the friends that I felt like I was losing. And in the process, I was like, not actually nurturing the ones that were going well. And so as soon as I realized that, I flipped the switch, and it's kind of one of those things like reflections aside. Reflections aside. Where do I want to be watering my plants in? My plants are dying on the left, and my plants are thriving on the right. Trying to water dead plants is not going to be super useful. And the the plants on the right that are going really well, they're going to die and not be nourished if I'm not also feeding them. So since then, I've like, pulled back from them, pulled back from the chase, started working on my reflection. Started realizing it doesn't mean anything about me in the sense of again, reflections aside, and I just started pouring into the friendships that are actually pouring into me, and all three of those friendships have been 10 times better than I feel like they've ever been before. That's so cute. That's the thing too. It's if you feel like you're losing something, it's so easy to chase it down and like, try to go full force, but then asking yourself, like, Wait, okay, what is in my life currently that I don't have to chase How can I actually water those more I love
Gabby Witt 34:46
that that's that, that analogy, I think, is huge, because there's so many times where we are doing that, and then we are literally like sacrificing the things that we do enjoy, the relationships that we want to be a part of, to try to save something that maybe is already gone.
Gabby Witt 35:06
Yes, that is another question I have for you, Janna, this is such an interesting take. I know you're supposed to be asking me the questions, but I feel like, yeah.
Gabby Witt 35:15
I was like, it just split your interviewing me now, okay,
Gabby Witt 35:18
but I mean, I feel like I'm again, it's like, I know the answers to some of these questions, but there's something about you. There's just like, this confidence and neutrality that you're really good at, and you're also, like, calling things out and making things simple. So I'm just curious, because I feel like other people would probably have this question is, let's say you're friends with these people, and these people don't actually share a lot of the same interest that you're into, but you're going along with it because it's it's not that you're not interested. Oh my gosh. Like how we were talking about earlier, before we started filming this episode. It's like hanging out with mothers and their kids. It's not necessarily something that you, for sure, want to do all the time, but like, you can hang in the same way, like I can hang even if I don't necessarily want to run a marathon, like I can do it like I still will. But what? What are your thoughts on doing things that you don't necessarily super enjoy and love doing, but you're doing because you want to keep that connection. And what are your thoughts on? Would it be better or more beneficial to really just lock in on the things that you like to do while still trying new things and then attracting different friends from that perspective?
Gabby Witt 36:32
So I really feel like it would have to come down to what, what is the reason that you are doing that thing that you don't want to do, right? Like, if you don't want to run marathons, and you've never run marathons, but your friend that you feel like you should be friends with is running a marathon. Like, are you literally going to put yourself in potential physical distress trying to, like, bust your ass running when that's not something you want to do. So why do we do this right? Like, a lot of the times, we sacrifice our own mental, physical well being for certain like, to look a certain way, for people to think certain things about us. Like we have to get clear on that and really think back to like, your connections with others. Do you want the person who is literally people pleasing, just to have that connection with you, or do you want the person who is like, genuine, authentic, so maybe that friend who runs marathons, you can be like, Well, I'm not such a runner, so no, thank you, but I would love to grab coffee, or, you know, go for a walk. Or we, yeah, we could literally go for a walk instead of running. Like, would that be cool? And maybe they're going to be agreeable with it, and we just, like, never gave ourselves the chance, because we're like, Well, if I don't do what they like to do, then they're going to immediately reject me.
Gabby Witt 38:01
Yes, yes. Okay, so interesting, because it's an interesting balance of, I always want to be trying new things, and I want to be open to new things. And unless I'm super against something, like, if someone wants to go to haunted house, like, uh, absolutely not, count
Gabby Witt 38:16
me out. Yeah.
Gabby Witt 38:18
But if like somebody wants to do like, you want to run a marathon, I will run it, and I'm actually pretty good at running, and I actually I'm always happy that I did it after the fact, but it's never something that I would ever do on my own.
Gabby Witt 38:31
So do you think that for you, that's just like helping you try new things that maybe you wouldn't have considered before, or are you doing it for their benefit? I would say
Gabby Witt 38:43
I feel like it always starts off really well intentioned, of like, ooh, like I want to try something new, but I feel like after I try something, if it's not something that I would fully be down to do by myself, I feel like there's definitely a piece of no there, for sure, is a piece of I want to be accepted. I want to be loved. I don't want to be left out, if I'm being so honest, and so that's, that's like, the kicker, right? It's like, Oh, if all of my friends are doing a marathon, I'm going to feel left out. Like I'm going to they're going to forget about me. Are, like, the limiting beliefs that come up?
Gabby Witt 39:15
Yeah, and I think it's, it's so normal, but we do have to take that, like, radical responsibility of like, why am I actually doing what I'm doing? I think it's just such a good thing. We do. Think So automatically, we don't even think about it. But yeah, like, if I'm doing it for that fear of being left out, am I actually enjoying myself? And I'm not saying that every time you hang out with people like you're having the best time ever, but like, if you're running a marathon because you're doing it for somebody else, like, are you actually spending quality time with them? Probably not, because you're breathing too hard to actually have a conversation and and to like, is that something that you're like, you know, that was a good three or four hours of my life. Like, I am really proud that I spent or I had the bestest time, or I had this, like, really good connection, and I really feel that I've gotten to a point true with social stuff, where I'm like, oh, I want to set an intention before I go into it. And I'm like, most of the time, it's like, oh, I want to, like, have a deeper connection with this person. So running the marathon isn't necessarily going to support that. And for me, that would be like, Oh, that's not really something that I would choose to do, but I might offer a different activity that would be more relevant.
Gabby Witt 40:35
Ooh, I love that. I feel like the intention that I set is I'm always intending to have fun. Like, even for this, I'm like, I intend to have fun, and I'm already having fun. So yeah, me too. But that's such a good point. It really, especially in the marathon example, like I enjoy it because I'm like, Wow, I'm actually really good at running. Wow, I'm actually faster than I thought. This is so easy. Haha, it's like, but it's more of like an internal experience. It's not really the friends, which is the whole purpose of another whole purpose, but it's what you want from social situations, like deeper connection.
Gabby Witt 41:10
Yeah, so, yeah, if you, if you genuinely like the marathon experience, and then maybe it could be something that you did, but if it's just like, Oh, I'm purely doing this for the friendship. Is the friendship even in the picture,
Gabby Witt 41:25
yeah, and I feel like it goes back to what you said. It's if you do notice that you're doing it from that place, but you still want to do things with your friends. Again, picking a different option is a really good option. But even if you don't want to be the people pleaser. It's like, how can you find something that you enjoy from that experience? How can you create more intention or connection from that experience? Maybe you go to the house after maybe you like, yeah, getting clear on why you're doing things. I really love that.
Gabby Witt 41:59
Love it, yeah, yeah. And for that marathon, exactly, you could go to their house or, you know, grab food or whatever to get that social component after the after the running part.
Gabby Witt 42:12
So cool. There's so many avenues to this. It's so fun.
Gabby Witt 42:16
All right, if there was anything else that you're like feeling called to share when it comes to friendships, what would it be?
Gabby Witt 42:25
I feel like I asked you, and like you had, like we talked about some more advanced things, like intricacies and nuances of friendships, like, once you're in them, but I feel like, if somebody's listening to these and they're like, Okay, like I want to attract friends, or like, I want to build deeper connections with friends, because that's what I see a lot of times. It's like, so many times people are like, I don't have friends. I don't have friends. There's nothing to do. I think a piece of where I would start with this again, number one, figuring out what you desire from friendships and figuring out how you can give that to yourself. So jannana, in your case, it's like, deeper connection. Okay, how can I get that deeper connection to myself? Maybe it's journaling. Maybe it's going on walks like, maybe it's like, whatever makes you feel really good and connected. But then also a tip that I always like to give, and this is something that I would also be prioritizing if I was starting from ground zero, is finding the things that you are genuinely interested in. Like, for example, intuition has brought me other than my absolute best friend, who's also intuitive, but other than my absolute best friend, intuition has brought me my closest friends, my deepest connections, people who, even if we don't talk a lot like we can just, could just go so deep, and it's so much fun. And the only like, the biggest reason for that is I discovered something that I love, and guess what, I put myself in the room. I went, I went to the place that I love, and as a result, I was myself. I started talking to people, and these people start coming into your life when you go to the places where they're at too. And so like, let's say you're into yoga or wellness, it goes back to what Janna said, you can't just be off the internet and stay in your house all the time and expect to make friends. Like, there's definitely a component of feeling good enough about yourself, feeling confident enough about yourself, even if you get rejected, even if people aren't interested, knowing that it really doesn't mean anything about you, other than, of course, again, how it makes you feel right, like if somebody rejects you, doesn't mean you're not good enough, doesn't mean you're not loved, doesn't mean you're not special, doesn't mean you're not worthy, doesn't mean you're not worthy, doesn't mean you're not likable, all of those things. It just so happens to mean that you might be vanilla ice cream and their favorite flavor is chocolate. Like, is vanilla any worse than chocolate? No, no, they just don't like your flavor. It's actually a huge blessing, because then you can find people who fucking love vanilla, like, anytime anyone rejects you, like it's allowing yourself to get back up again, rather than feeling like you're not good enough and people don't love you. And it's scary to be out in friendship world, right? And that obviously goes deeper into reflections how you're feeling, but it's really picking yourself up again and just allowing yourself to look at it neutrally, of like, okay, I'm I'm peanut butter. They like jelly. Like it doesn't it's so neutral, it doesn't matter. Yeah, and then from there, really just starting to put yourself in situations that you want to be in, even if it feels uncomfortable, like, if you live in an apartment and you like wellness, a super cool thing you could do is going to the gym and actually talking to people, asking them where they got workout set, like being the person who maybe you bring your book, like putting yourself in situations where you want to be in and where you can find people who will like similar things. I feel like this is such a huge, huge help. And then also, on top of that, really drawing the line and not people pleasing so hard just to move on to a relationship or person, because it's like, the only person there, and like, really force yourself to have things in common, if it's just you guys are Legos or puzzle pieces that don't fully fit, and kind of letting letting it go, if so, but those would be my biggest tips. In the sense of the biggest issue that I see with people, especially if you're not used to doing reflection work, is they're afraid to be rejected, for sure, and obviously, even
Gabby Witt 46:40
when you are
Gabby Witt 46:41
guys like
Gabby Witt 46:43
that is like a just a human brain programming, right? Like we have not evolved past that. Like, if you get reject from, rejected from the tribe, you are on your own, you're gonna starve, getting eaten by a lion or something, right? That is just the way that our brains are programmed.
Gabby Witt 47:00
No, exactly, and so it's but like, what happens is people will, like, go in their little turtle shell, their little crab shell, and they'll make it mean something about them, and they'll feel like, that's how the whole world is, yeah, and it's so not like, I know you experienced it, but again, like, intuition. I was so scared getting in the first room and we walked in, I'm like, Oh my God. Like, are these girls gonna like me? Like, what's gonna happen? We just start intuitively reading each other, and it was just such a vibe. And you grow together, you're learning each other's like, deepest, darkest secrets, like you're learning all these like, holding space for each other. And I feel like a really big piece to that is really just knowing yourself and putting yourself in the room even when it's uncomfortable.
Gabby Witt 47:44
Yeah, I think there's a huge component of that and being comfortable or a little bit of discomfort, but doing it anyway, with the like being vulnerable and authentic to yourself. I think the quality of the friendships, even the like my older friendships that have sustained like they've gotten so much better the more and more of myself that I accept and like show up as my authentic self in different situations, even just like work situations and things like, I feel like everything has gotten better when I fully accepted myself, and maybe it should, because I'm using weight loss brainpower trying to, like, figure out how I should act, versus just, like, showing up in the way that I want to. And I really think it's okay to give yourself permission to not be liked by others because you don't like everybody. Like, really, like, let's be real. Like, there's so many people where you're like, I can't stand them, and that is totally okay. So there's going to be other people who feel the same about you, like, why do we have different rules for ourselves than other people?
Gabby Witt 48:55
No, and it's literally so true. And if you're running off of the mindset of, I need people to like me. I need friends like Janna, like how you were saying, putting so much pressure on the process. Not only will this make you people please, but it will also make you end up communicating with people and getting together with people that you don't actually at your core. Like, yeah, let me just save you guys some time. Then you get into this intuitive work. Then you start shifting your realities. Well, guess what? If you've built all of these friendships and relationships off of people pleasing and being someone who you're not, oh, let me tell you you're not all crumbling, they will literally all crumble. And it's so weird because now I realize, like, if I'm not in public, I used to start conversations with literally everyone, because in my head, I was just operating from this wound of like, I need friends. I need connection. Now I go out in public, and sometimes I literally, really don't say very much at all, but that's just because that's how I feel, right like, but it's different, like, your habits will literally start changing, like you said, the more you accept yourself, the more authentic you become. And you want to start attracting people from your authentic self so that you don't have to lose so many people later, when you start stepping into that and realizing you are playing a part, you literally aren't.
Gabby Witt 50:13
Yeah, and we just take a moment to appreciate like, how much of a chore it is to behave in the way of like, how you feel, like you should, like, it's exhausting. Like, if social situations completely deplete you to your core, you're probably not being your authentic self.
Gabby Witt 50:33
Amen, sister, yes, yes.
Gabby Witt 50:36
1,000% yes. Okay. This has been an amazing conversation, and I feel like we could go on for years. I think this is probably a good place to wrap up. So first of all, like, thank you so much for being here. This was amazing, and I think somebody people are gonna get so much value out of it. But how do people find you? Like, what do you offer? This is your turn. Oh my gosh,
Gabby Witt 51:00
you're so sweet, Janna. Well, thank you so much for having me on this episode. This was literally so much fun, and I can't wait to have you on mine. But yes, my name is Gabby Witt. You can find me on Instagram and Tiktok at Gabby coded and as of right now, just like Janna, I offer different intuitive offers, but a big thing that I teach is actually money. So right now I'm in my financial era, and I teach financial mastery how to completely shift your finances and become the person who magnetizes money to you. But that's fairly what I'm doing right now, intuition, teaching you how to create a different reality from the ground up and money. So it's really fun. I Gabby code it and the lens of abundance podcast,
Gabby Witt 51:41
which is really cool. Love it. Definitely. Check those out. Learn about the money. I feel like that is so important. And from having, like, the higher self and like intuitive perspective on it, I think is huge, because there's so much, like, deep internal work that is related into our money.
Gabby Witt 52:00
For sure, absolutely, thank you so much.
Gabby Witt 52:04
Yeah, thank you so much. Of
Gabby Witt 52:06
course, have a great day. Okay, Janna's was so
Gabby Witt 52:13
much fun. It was
Gabby Witt 52:15
so good. Oh my gosh. Love anything I gave you, like, I don't even remember, like, you're just like, so confident, like you're like, radiate confidence and authenticity. Thank you. Love it. Ah, so cool. That's okay. I asked you, like, a bunch of questions. If.
