Unknown Speaker 00:47
Hey, hey,
Unknown Speaker 00:53
hear me now, yes, I can hear you. Can you hear me? I can perfect, wonderful. Thank you so much for doing this. I did all right, see what comes up. I am like, I kind of like, was like, Oh, it would be good to go, like, before, during after, kind of situation. But beyond that, we can just let it be a conversation. So do you have any questions before we kind of jump into things?
Unknown Speaker 01:20
No, I don't think so. I think we're pretty good at off the cuff. Nurses are nurses are good
Unknown Speaker 01:24
at that. Yep, yep.
Unknown Speaker 01:28
Get started here. Okay,
Unknown Speaker 01:35
all right, let's get to it. I am so excited for this episode, unlocking your more today I have one of my clients, Lauren, with me, a little bit about
Unknown Speaker 01:44
yourself. Hi, thank you for having this is I've been looking forward.
Unknown Speaker 01:49
I served nurse. I live in Pennsylvania, just outside of Philadelphia, and a nurse since 2017 and I've been few different areas, step down ICU er working as a nurse. Edu, nurse educator, and as you know, I actually found you on a podcast in my career where I didn't know what needed do that something needed to change. Yeah, and I just that episode resonated with me so deeply that I was like, I have to reach out. And
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Unknown Speaker 02:10
Unknown Speaker 02:25
here we are a year plus later.
Unknown Speaker 02:28
Yes, it's actually interesting, because I did get a lot of people from that rapid response nurse. So thank you, Sarah for that wonderful episode we did.
Unknown Speaker 02:38
So you know, nursing can be challenged on so many levels, like physically, emotionally, but I feel like most of us are in this state of, well, I should be. I've accomplished so many different things, like when we first kind of working together,
Unknown Speaker 02:56
where were you at, like, externally, and then, where were you kind of,
Unknown Speaker 03:03
that's a great question. I think, I think I was still kind of coming off the back end of covid. So, you know, we've discussed in our sessions. I worked in the ICU all through covid, and it was a really challenging environment, just to be surrounded by so much uncertainty and so much death, and you get to the point where you're feeling just helpless because you're working as hard as you can, but you're not saving people. And for the most part, we're supposed to save people. Yeah, and I think a lot of the fulfillment from my work comes from helping people get better. So it just got to a point where I I remember, during that time, listening to a podcast by Brene Brown, and I forget what they were talking about, but they were talking about just kind of like feeling stuck and feeling like you weren't doing what you were supposed to be doing. And I remember pulling into the parking lot of the hospital, and there was a pond in the front, and there was a turtle that had left the pond and was stuck against the curb trying to get up onto the curb. And yeah,
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Unknown Speaker 04:26
I think I knew I was in trouble then, because I immediately burst into
Unknown Speaker 04:29
tears, oh my God,
Unknown Speaker 04:32
because I felt like I was the turtle, like I couldn't, yeah, I just couldn't do it anymore.
Unknown Speaker 04:39
So I did what most of us do. I changed specialties, and I went to work in a level one trauma, er, and I loved it, but I still found myself in the same place about a year later. And then I tried travel nursing, and then I fell into hospice nursing. So it was like I just kind of hit this point where I realized I had changed my specialty three times in like, two and a half years, and I was still stuck. And I think that that's when listen to the podcast while I was driving around for hospice, and I was like, maybe this is what I need. Like, maybe nursing
Unknown Speaker 05:17
is not the problem and I'm the problem. Yeah. I mean, that is a huge, huge awareness to have, but also just being willing to almost take accountability for our own experience. And I think that's a lot of what I end up working with people, but to get to the point of, like, accepting that we do have that level of control, and it's not necessarily the job, or, you know, else that are making our experience. So I think it's huge awareness of like, okay, I went to all these different jobs and they and I still felt the same. So maybe, maybe there's a common denominator. But what else did you try doing before we worked together? Like to help with this. Did you try anything?
Unknown Speaker 06:00
Um, I mean, I tried traditional therapy. I have, I still occasionally, I have a wonderful therapist that I go talk to sometimes. But I think the thing that really clicked with working with you is that a lot of times we've talked about this, like, therapy tends to kind of focus on, like, the traumatic things that have happened in the past, but it more so felt a lot of the time like I was just going and talking at my therapist. And nobody understands nursing like a nurse, you know, he, even though he works in healthcare, and he, you know, even, even the proximity that he's had, he's worked in hospitals, some of the things that I would tell him shocked him. It's like, well, if I'm shocking you, how are you helping me? Yeah,
Unknown Speaker 06:49
Unknown Speaker 06:53
you're, like, traumatized just from hearing me talk. I don't know if this is gonna work.
Unknown Speaker 06:58
I lived it right. And like, he really did help a lot with some insight, but it wasn't until we started working together, and I for session, it was but I started to feel a lot of feelings, and I immediately cloned that. Like, no, don't like that. And yeah, immediately called me out. And we're like, No, you need to feel this.
Unknown Speaker 07:21
You need to sit with this. And that's when it kind of clicked that I have been, I have been feeling all of these things for years, but not actually allowing myself to feel them and move through them. It has just been, Oh, okay. Crunch that down in your brain so you can keep doing what you have to do.
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Unknown Speaker 07:43
I think I'm glad you brought that up, because I think it's so true. And I also found this in a lot of my experience with like, therapy was just like, it's kind of easy to, like, skirt around the real issue. Like you can just kind of talk, you talk your way around it, and feel like you've accomplished something, but you're still, like, not getting to the deep, deep root.
Unknown Speaker 08:05
And that was something for me. I was like, oh, like, I can go to, you know, 50 sessions, and nothing is truly changed. And that was something that was really important for me. And I kind of had to dive to in my eyes, like, Okay, well, my brain part of the problem, but then there's, like, this whole world of emotions that is, I feel like, where the magic actually happens is understanding your emotions, learning how to process them, because that's how we actually regulate our nervous system, yes, so opening your eyes up to the world of emotion was there, like, what kind of caught you by surprise? Or was like that, like unexpected thing with
Unknown Speaker 08:46
emotions?
Unknown Speaker 08:49
I think what shocked me the most was just realizing how much I still had in my past that I think I looked back on a lot of those things, and I was like, Yeah, that was adding. But I was like, seven, you know, and you dismiss it because you're like, Oh, I was a child, and what one of the things that I learned with you is like, yes, 34 year old Lauren understands that that was a ridiculous reason to be upset. But seven year old Lauren doesn't. And seven year old Lauren still exists somewhere up here. So just the ability to realize that, you know, I used to hear like the inner child work and the shadow work, and I'd be like, okay, yeah, mumbo jumbo, woo, woo.
Unknown Speaker 09:07
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Unknown Speaker 09:37
But then you do it and you realize that, yeah, like, there is still a seven year old inside somewhere that is still hurting, and you have the power to address her the way that she should have been addressed. And yeah, once that connection is made, it's like you can't go back now. It's yeah,
Unknown Speaker 10:01
you know, you've seen the light.
Unknown Speaker 10:03
Yeah, it really is a huge awareness. And it's something that I really always try to discuss, is, like, how our brain works, so we can make it make sense these I mean, I love the world, but I always want to bring the science into it. So, like, because logical thinker, nurse, background, right? Like we want to see how does it actually work, and when we can understand how we can make it work, I feel like it's easier to actually have more compassion and understanding, because our whole lives, we've been taught that our most aren't valid. Now I'll give you something to cry about, kind of mentality. So it was so like, this is just what we've been munitioned to, like, shut down. My emotions aren't valid. Like, my feeling doesn't matter. Shove it like, throw it in the closet, slam the door. But then it's like, okay, well, the science of it is that, like, you know, almost all of our main belief system were created between the age of zero and seven, and that zero to seven year old was perceiving the world through a child's mind of what was happening and making assumptions, literally their perceptions, and then our brain just continued to think that way for literally decades. So it's like, okay, if I can understand that, I can have more compassion for that, like little child that went through those things, and why I still think that way. And I was actually like, watching Instagram reel today where it was talking about, like, how, like, oh, connect with your inner child. And you're like, why would I do that? But then it's like, connect with your inner child, like you talk to your dog, and then it's like, a totally different, totally different things. So incredibly true, though. Because, like, you know, your dog just like, ripped the couch to shreds, and you're gonna be like, Oh, but that's good boy, I love you. Yeah, right. And this is, this is so true, is like, we are so critical and beat that crap out of ourselves. And I think that we worked on a lot is like, we can't beat ourselves into feeling better.
Unknown Speaker 11:52
Unknown Speaker 12:07
I think it's hard when our generation was a generation that really struggles emotion and vulnerability and even acknowledging those things, I think the time feels like weakness to that kind of group of people.
Unknown Speaker 12:30
And then when you combine that with a career where you're supposed to be surrounded
Unknown Speaker 12:37
by supposed to make the pain better, you're not supposed to, you know, we all, we've all had that one nurse that we work with. It's like, you're not allowed to cry with your patients. It's like, but why we are having friendly human experiences with these people? I think I've always been grateful to have the level of empathy that I do, because I can connect with my patients very easily. Paste how much of that I was holding on to, and it's almost like, I think our generation tries to overcompensate because we're so used to not being that we want to listen to everybody and we forget to listen
Unknown Speaker 13:16
to ourselves. Yes, yeah, it is so true. We've created a generation of like people pleasers who want to make everybody happy, but honestly, it's always it is impossible to make everybody happy, and if you're supposed to making everybody else happy, then yes, we are the one who ends up getting sacrificed. And I think it's so clear nursing, and it's interesting, I found that, like when I started nursing in Canada, it was very much like, you know, don't get emotionally connected, don't cry, don't hug a patient, don't don't give any pet names. And then I came to Florida, and everyone's like, hugging, like, you'll hug your patient goodbye. Everyone has a pet name every like, it's like the southern like, hospitality was so foreign. But once I got used to it, I was like, This is so much better. Like, it's actually being like, we're human, you're human. You went through something traumatic. I cared for you. I like, you know it, I found it like was, like, I felt more like I made a difference than that. Like, put a cold stone face on and pretend that, like we're just a robot doing the job, right? Like, that's not, that's not the reality of it. But I think it's so frequent that we have put that, like, the personality face on, and it's even just like, you know, when you're calling somebody on the phone to make an appointment and you have, like, a whole different personality, those kinds of things, it's like we are living our lives with all of these different personalities, these hats that we're putting on, and we have lost sight of who we actually, authentically are. And I think that's something that we worked on too, is finding out like, Who are you beyond all the hats?
Unknown Speaker 14:01
Unknown Speaker 14:59
And I think it's so important that you do know that like who you are and what you stand for and what you believe and what is okay for you.
Unknown Speaker 15:11
Because I think that that's one of the really beautiful things about nursing, is that I love the science side of this. I loved working in the ICU and the ER with the sickest of the sick, it's like a puzzle to me to figure out what I need to do.
Unknown Speaker 15:27
But if you take away, I think the reason that we've all gotten the question, Well, why didn't you want to go to med school? And I think that the reason that I didn't is because I can't take away that part that has five seconds to sit there and hold somebody's hand and hug the family member or hug the patient or just give them there's an art of nursing in addition to the science. And I think that that's what was really scary to me, is I felt like all I had left was the science, and it's not enough, especially right now. People need more than just a clinician. They need somebody who is going to provide holistic, true, holistic care and provide that safety for them.
Unknown Speaker 16:19
Yeah, absolutely. And we cannot provide that true holistic care if we don't start with providing it to ourselves.
Unknown Speaker 16:21
Unknown Speaker 16:28
So with that in mind, like mentally, physically, emotionally, what was kind of like one of the biggest things working together, where you kind of started shifting how you were taking care of yourself, your own well being prioritizing yourself.
Unknown Speaker 16:46
I think the prioritizing myself was probably the biggest thing, because we are raised in this field to be martyrs. Don't eat lunch, don't go to the bathroom, don't drink your water. You're not allowed to have it at the nurse's station. Your patient needs you. You have to do this right now. And it just creates this really toxic culture of people who are hungry, annoyed, have to pee, haven't drank anything all day.
Unknown Speaker 17:16
And when I started working with you, that was me. I would go, you know, most of the shift without eating anything.
Unknown Speaker 17:26
And one of the things that you said to me constantly is okay, but how is it better? If, if this happens instead, how is it better? And it felt so selfish at first to be like, Well, no, but, like, I don't think about that. And then I realized that by saying that, I was saying, No, I don't matter. I'm not the thing that matters. Everything else is what matters. And I remember the first time that I was doing something, and it popped into my head, okay, well, how is it better if you do this other thing? And I, like, called you, and was like, Oh, my God, it works.
Unknown Speaker 17:47
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Unknown Speaker 18:07
Yeah, yeah. And
Unknown Speaker 18:09
just started to be natural.
Unknown Speaker 18:11
I love it. I love it. And for context, basically what I always have everybody do is, like, the natural thing we want to do is sacrifice ourselves, but it's causing for a moment and being like, how is it better if I actually put myself first, if I do this thing for me first? And like, what, as you started to naturally do this, what happened?
Unknown Speaker 18:36
It? It's like it just clicked that when I prioritize myself and when I protect my safety and my boundaries, I am more available for other people than I was before, because I'm not completely exhausted, I'm not starving, I'm not annoyed at everything. So it just it is such a small thing, and it's so hard, because when you are used to prioritizing everybody else around you, it feels selfish as hell to be like, No, I'm going to put myself first. But then you realize that you're actually able to be there for people more because
Unknown Speaker 19:21
you prioritize yourself?
Unknown Speaker 19:23
Yeah, I It's so interesting how most of us, like, have everything backwards. We've been so programmed for so long, and then the things that we actually need to do by putting ourselves first, by celebrating ourselves, by, you know, really, mentally, physically, emotionally pouring into ourselves. It actually, like allows us to show up to help people to make a difference more than ever before. And it's just so funny how it's like the polar opposite of what we assume is going to be the thing.
Unknown Speaker 19:55
Yeah, and you know what? I don't think I realized by making these changes. I think I thought that I was just going to make changes at work, and yeah, that I would just fix work, and then everything else would be okay. And I don't think I realized how much being the way that I was at work was also not only carrying into the way that I was at home, but completely affecting the way that I was at home. And, you know, just the changes that I've seen in my marriage, like I had a good relationship with my husband, he's incredibly supportive. He knows how hard being a nurse is, but the way that we communicate now, and the way that I respect his boundaries, and he respects my boundaries now, it's such a deeper level of communication, and not only that, but psychological safety than we had
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before, that's huge. That's honestly amazing, and it is part of the reason like, I shifted away from, like, just marketing to nursing career stuff, because 99% of the sessions I do have so little to do with the career and so much to do with everything else, but the career shifts and changes constantly because of all the work that we're doing on ourselves. And it is kind of that like, well, what you actually want, but what we have to do to get to what we actually want is not the thing that you like. So having that awareness, but I love to hear that. So what do you think it was that like, really helped you create those boundaries, have the better communication with your husband? Do
Unknown Speaker 21:44
I think realizing that I need to take a moment, I need to check in with myself and actually ask myself, What are you feeling? Because I think that without intending to, I was very reactionary. And yeah, I wouldn't have thought of myself as a reactionary, because I wasn't reactionary in the way that I got angry quickly, or I yelled a lot, it was more so just I felt like I had to answer something immediately, and especially if somebody said something to me that triggered me that I didn't realize was triggering me. I think, like, trigger is such
Unknown Speaker 22:15
Unknown Speaker 22:24
a buzzword that gets thrown around these days, it has, like, such a negative connotation, but it's true, it's that feeling that you get when somebody says something to you, and your immediate reaction is to lash out, realizing that I could have that feeling, and then pause and say, Okay, wait, where did that come from? Because this is somebody who loves you more than any other person on this planet. You don't want to react to him that way. So what was the root cause of that? And that was just like shining a light into the dark of oh, this is why that matters,
Unknown Speaker 23:02
honestly is such a huge thing, because most people are going through life without like he made me feel this way. She made me feel this way. The job is the problem, but recognizing that we are only responding and reacting to those things because of our perception, and our perceptions are created by our beliefs and feelings and emotions that we've had for literally, since we were like that young child. And so the people who are closest to us and love us the most are like the biggest mirrors for all of our insecurities. And it is not that they're out to get us. They're just really, really good at reflecting all of them back to us. But when you have that ability to have that self awareness of like, Whoa, I am like, I am reacting, I can feel the emotion rising. I can feel this like response, my brain is like spiraling to be able to have that like emotional intelligence to pause and like, Oh, what is happening here? Why is this happening? What is like, this belief system that's coming up, like, mind blowing, and just your ability to, like, go through life and handle so much more now because of it,
Unknown Speaker 24:15
yeah, you don't realize how much it's going to affect until you start doing it, because now I can't not do it, and now I see other people not doing it, I will, I will watch somebody react, and I'll be like, Oh, that was interesting. Yeah.
Unknown Speaker 24:32
I also feel like it's like, when other people are exploding, I don't have any urge to explode, because I'm like, watching their brain. Like, as it happens, and I'm like, Yeah, this is interesting. Like, I wonder what like triggered that? Like, well, it is,
Unknown Speaker 24:50
yeah, to that point, it does help you not to trigger other people, because you are noticing the way that they're reacting to things, and you are picking up on their their feeling about the entire conversation. So I think one of the things, especially in nursing, that we struggle with so much, is we accidentally escalate people, and we don't mean to, but we do, or we take things personally. And I was always good about that I didn't I agree I was good at De escalation, but I feel like it's a whole other level now, because I'm not looking at it just from a perspective of, I'm going to speak softly so that this person doesn't yell. I'm looking at it from a perspective of, okay, what just happened in your body that is making you feel that you need to defend yourself against me, and how can I mitigate that?
Unknown Speaker 25:40
Unknown Speaker 25:45
Yeah, yeah. Honestly, just like, an insane life skill to have like, it just it does make everything I feel like, a lot easier. And I just have, I feel like I don't have the like spirals, like I used to, like, it wasn't like, oh, I had this confrontation with this person, and you're like, thinking it over and over and over in your head, like, it's like, okay, I can dissect this is what they said, and what they say gives me an indication of weight, what they think about themselves. And then I have, like, how I perceived it, and I can go and actually figure out and shift that part, because that's what's in my control, how I perceived their behavior, even if I don't I can disagree with it. It could have been awful behavior, but it's still how I perceived. It is still within my control.
Unknown Speaker 26:34
Yeah, I think also shielding yourself from that reaction, because, you know, we've talked about, like, traumatic experiences that I've had in the past, and I think even as a child, my natural reaction was, Well, what happened to that person? And thinking that way is not necessarily the problem, but only thinking that way and not giving yourself permission to say, okay, maybe something traumatic happened to them. But this is what happened to me, and you don't when you don't feel that, you just open yourself up to these like energy
Unknown Speaker 26:50
Unknown Speaker 27:19
vampires that will just attach to you, because they know that they can just dump and dump and dump and dump and dump because you're empathetic to their trauma, but then you're being traumatized.
Unknown Speaker 27:33
Yeah, yeah, no, I think that's a something that so many people can relate to, is the people who are literally coming to you to trauma dump all the time. And I think everybody wants to be seen and heard, but you don't necessarily like they're not. Here's the thing, when you understand the brain them trauma dumping on you is not actually helping them process and shift it and move it like they're just reliving the event, which actually amplifies their emotional experience and makes it even stronger in their brain. And so, you know, it is a hard place to be because, like, oh, I want to help this person. And yes, there's ways to help them. And a lot of the times, it could be sending them to resources or sending them to somebody who you know could benefit from them, but that's totally them, because they have free will, and I think that's also something we have to come to terms with, is everybody has free will, and we cannot force anybody to get help unless they choose to they want to. And the biggest way to get people to get help is to, like, not try to get them help. Like, let them make it their own decision.
Unknown Speaker 28:41
Yeah, and that's hard too, because once you do start to do this work, and you do start to feel better, and you do start to see these things, you then want everyone around you to feel the way that you do. And you know, we've talked a lot about my siblings, and I see some of the ways that they react to things now, and I've been, literally been where they are. And there's such a big part of me that wants to be like, no, no, come over here, like, come,
Unknown Speaker 29:09
come to the light.
Unknown Speaker 29:12
But I
Unknown Speaker 29:13
can't like until they decide that it's time. I just have to kind of witness that. So it's hard. But also I just I remind myself that, like, this is their journey, that they're on, and they're learning something right now, even if I don't understand what it is.
Unknown Speaker 29:33
Yeah, absolutely, it is definitely a very hard and challenging place to be. But I always kind of remind myself of like, okay, how do I respond when people are like, telling me what to do? I want nothing to do with it, and I would hate for that person to like, completely disregard the opportunity to learn about like, this kind of work, because I tried to force it on them, which gave them that bad taste in their mouth, which means they're like, I never want to hear about this ever again in my life. So the I and I've definitely been there, but recognizing that, not pushing it, just being an example of what's possible, and that isn't by shoving it down their throat, that's literally just by you living your life, you going in, like, with your siblings, right? Like, handling things with your parents, and they're going to be like, Hmm, you know, Lauren doesn't react like she used to. Things have changed, and maybe it takes a couple of years, but they're like, something's really changed. I want to do what she did, because I can see that it made a difference. But that's ultimately always up to them, and that may or may not happen. And as you said, like it, we, each you know, have soul planned life paths and things that we're supposed to learn. And maybe this is your lesson, and maybe it isn't theirs, maybe it's both of yours. We have no idea, but we get to allow that free will to run its course, and hopefully that being that like example of what's possible will be the shift for them.
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Unknown Speaker 31:07
So I want to kind of talk about intuition a little bit, because I think that is something a huge component of our sessions. So I'm just curious. Like, what was your perception of me being like, oh, I can intuitively look into this.
Unknown Speaker 31:16
Unknown Speaker 31:24
And how did that evolve with time?
Unknown Speaker 31:28
So I've always believed in intuition. I think every nurse has had that experience where they're looking at a patient and they're just like, something is wrong, and I don't know what. And there are some that will be like, Oh, it's just straight pattern recognition, even if you don't recognize, even if you don't realize, it is subconscious. But there's been
Unknown Speaker 31:53
no yeah. There's so many times where there is zero logic, and you're like, I just know
Unknown Speaker 32:02
Yes. And the the older that I've gotten, the more I've kind of leaned into that, you know, I was raised very religious, and everything has to do with God. And I'm not saying necessarily that any of that is wrong, but I don't think it's whole and I don't think that, I think that the realization that I came to is that maybe I wasn't getting the full story. And I definitely, I think the first couple times that we started talking about it and really leaning into that more.
Unknown Speaker 32:04
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Unknown Speaker 32:44
I don't want to say that I was like trepidatious, but I wasn't really sure where things were gonna go. You know, totally it was.
Unknown Speaker 32:55
But as our sessions progressed, it just became more and more apparent that even if we weren't getting things exactly right, what we were doing was incredibly helpful. So it doesn't really matter if we were spot on or not, we were still achieving something that was so much better than I had ever been able to before,
Unknown Speaker 33:15
Unknown Speaker 33:26
and
Unknown Speaker 33:28
I to your point of intuition, it felt right, and that is such a big component of that. So, yeah, yeah,
Unknown Speaker 33:39
I love that, and I, that's what I was like, I feel like you came on board and were was working with me, like, as I was, like, really, like, I mean, I feel like I've always had that inner knowing, especially as a nurse, like, I always had that real strong by any sense, like, so strong. It was just you were kind of like, with me along the journey of me, like, actually, like training and understanding it and evolving it, you did get to kind of, like, see that progression, which I think is, like, really cool, because I feel like where I'm at now, I could just see there's so much potential in, like, something that could take you, like, a decade with therapy, using intuition, we can get to that, like, what is the actual limiting belief that's causing the problems? What are the trapped emotions in the body like, and then how to shift it for your specific brain, like, the way that you work? I'm just obsessed with it because of that, like, level and how much we accomplished in such a short period of time, because we're honing in and getting to, like, the actual root of the issue, versus just like trying to peel layers off. And guess,
Unknown Speaker 34:55
yeah, it definitely.
Unknown Speaker 34:59
It starts to feel it starts to feel more intuitive.
Unknown Speaker 35:04
It just starts to feel a you're, you know, we're talking through these things, you're calling these things out. And is that inner knowing, and it almost it, I think a lot of people, when they talk about, like, intuition or spirituality, anything that's not hard. It's with rigorous evidence, they immediately want to, kind of, like, turn it off, because we don't have anything that supports that.
Unknown Speaker 35:33
But I think it's not an or it's an and you can have science and sense research, and you can sit, yeah, we might not have the actual peer review, double blinded, whatever, but it still is working. For me as mutual. It's still working 1000s of other people from them, just because we can't prove it. I fully believe that there are things that we just haven't
Unknown Speaker 36:00
figured out how to quantify yet. There is a lot more, like quantum physics in that church and interestingly, unclassified documents, the CIA documents, actually do talk about from like the 1960s and 70s. They talk aboution as like a trainable skill. So think to the surface more and more each day.
Unknown Speaker 36:21
So with that being said, like, was there anything that you'd be willing to share that like completely shifted something that you like completely did not expect.
Unknown Speaker 36:37
I don't think I realized how much I was holding
Unknown Speaker 36:44
regarding like self appreciation and like self love and sense of in self image.
Unknown Speaker 36:53
You know, I've always I, I think I confused wanting to be the best that I could be for everybody, with actually loving and appreciating myself as I was. And you know, one of the things that we worked on is, how are you still worthy, even if you're not bringing anything to anybody else's table? And it's a hard one, hard one. Yeah, because, and I think that that's why a lot of us are kind of drawn to we have to be serving others. And I think that there is a part of me that truly does get fulfillment from the service people, but I also think that there's a part of me that felt like I had to serve other people in order to be worthy of, yeah, love and affection and existence and hearing over and over and over again, like you are worthy, even if you bring nothing.
Unknown Speaker 37:55
Yeah,
Unknown Speaker 37:57
it's very first of all, it's very exposing.
Unknown Speaker 38:03
Because then you realize that if you're not feeling that sense of self worth, you're the only one who can fix that you can't rely on other people validating you to fit, and that's really hard, but looking to myself to validate myself has made my days so much better because I'm not seeking that external and even you know, the thing that would that worked out is like, I always person that was like, oh my god, everybody is just being nice to me to my face, but the second I walk away, they're all talking about me behind back. No, actually likes me. They're just being nice to me, and I don't have as much of that anymore. I'm able to validate myself and say no, what you contributed to that was valid and worthy, and it doesn't matter if anybody else agreed, because you agreed.
Unknown Speaker 39:02
Yeah, I honestly feel like that's such a powerful transition. And you know, pretty much, pretty much everybody is myself, and when they're where they're come to me is a incredibly hard on themselves person, and you're that like through this work in our time together, that you can shift the way that you see you and how much impact that has on your life. Literally, mind blowing like warms my heart. Know that that was even possible, yeah, but
Unknown Speaker 39:30
Unknown Speaker 39:36
it's so impactful. We were raised in a world that externally validates us consistently, and that's what no so it kind of makes you think, you know, if everybody was internally validating themselves, how much happier would we all be?
Unknown Speaker 39:46
Unknown Speaker 39:56
So much happier, because we'd actually feel it right, like external, like, we can't really create any internal change from that outside in. It has to come from internal, which is why so many of us are constantly feeling like our job is the problem, our partners are the problem. Where we don't feel fulfilled, we don't feel like we're making the impact we want to have, because we don't feel that way, because we never created it. We didn't find the evidence to feel that way. And most of us are always living for that magical finish line of I'll be happy when things will be good when I will rest when. But the way that our brains are designed, it doesn't like, you know, hit that finish line and our brain thinks differently. We think the same way. We just move the finish line further and further and further and further away. So taking that like, Okay, I got to figure out how to be happy now, finding the evidence to find that fulfillment, that enjoyment, all those things. So if you were to talk to the person who like is you a year and a half ago, two years ago, five years ago, like, Where was she and like, what would she need to know to be like, I need to do something about this. Like, it's okay to get the help, to invest in myself that kind of,
Unknown Speaker 41:19
I think just knowing that if you are having those thoughts, it's not because you aren't doing enough, it's not because you just need to suck it up. Your brain is trying to tell you something. Your brain is telling you that there is a piece that is missing. And I remember, kind of back in the turtle getting stuck against the curb era.
Unknown Speaker 41:42
Unknown Speaker 41:49
I read a book by Glennon Doyle called untamed, and one of the things that she has in that book is it was all supposed to be more beautiful than this. And that line just floored me, because it described what I was thinking, but I wouldn't have been able to put that into words. And in that timeframe, from when I read that to when I had that experience, to then working with you, I think that I was looking for that it's supposed to be more beautiful than this.
Unknown Speaker 42:25
And I looked in three different jobs.
Unknown Speaker 42:30
I looked in a lot of different places, but I never thought to look in myself until we worked together, and I'm a firm believer, I probably wouldn't have been ready to do the work that we did at that time.
Unknown Speaker 42:51
But if you're having those thoughts, it's because something, something is ready to change, and you just have to be brave enough to allow it to happen, because once it starts it, it is so much more beautiful than it was.
Unknown Speaker 42:59
Unknown Speaker 43:12
I love that that is absolutely incredible. And knowing what you know about yourself now looking back like, what kind of praise can you give to yourself for this journey that you've been on and all the things you've accomplished?
Unknown Speaker 43:16
Unknown Speaker 43:31
I mean, that girl kicks ass.
Unknown Speaker 43:35
Like, what about ass? Seriously,
Unknown Speaker 43:39
you know, I I think I'm just grateful for myself for being willing to put in the work, and even when it was hard, and even when it didn't feel good, and even when I was just like, is it worth bringing all of this stuff up. Like,
Unknown Speaker 44:03
yeah,
Unknown Speaker 44:04
you know, I really think that you do get to a point where you're it's like blue pill, Red Pill moment. Like,
Unknown Speaker 44:12
do you want to go back to the way that things are, or do you want to see what else is out there? And the fact that I took all of the experiences that I had and was still willing to look for what else was out there.
Unknown Speaker 44:27
I'm just, I'm really proud of myself for doing that.
Unknown Speaker 44:32
That's amazing. I love to hear it. It makes me so I'm proud of you, but I'm also just, like so grateful to have you know, been there with you, witnessing this process. I think that's like, honestly, like the like, one of the best parts of this job is just like, watching people, like, truly, like, flourish into like, their actual, true, authentic self. And I don't think there's anything like as beautiful as people like coming into their own.
Unknown Speaker 44:59
Yeah, no. And I, I had no expectations, like, when I, when I listened to the pot, you know, I was listening to the rapid response nurse podcast, because I was, frankly, kind of bored working in, like an outpatient out of hospital setting, and I didn't want to lose that, like, critical thinking and like skill type mindset. So when your episode came on, it was kind of like, All right, well, this is not what I am listening to this for, but whatever. And then to have the journey that we had, it was just like, even in our first discovery call, like we clicked so quickly. And even then, my brain was still like, How much money are you about to spend on another form of therapy that isn't going to make a damn bit of difference? Yeah, and for this to turn into what it has like, even my husband said to me when our, like, first set of sessions was up, and I was, you know, going into our second set of sessions, and he's like, this is the thing that has made the most difference for you out of everything, and for him to notice that was huge.
Unknown Speaker 46:10
Yeah? I mean, I know I just said that you don't need external validation, but it was so validating for him,
Unknown Speaker 46:17
okay? But like, the man is happy that you're spending, like, hundreds of dollars a month. This is fantastic,
Unknown Speaker 46:23
yes, and he saw, I think he saw the change, because,
Unknown Speaker 46:28
yeah,
Unknown Speaker 46:30
the way that I used to come home compared to the way that I come home now, and the way that I used to show up in my marriage compared to the way that I show up in my marriage now, it is just night and day. So to anybody who is like, on the fence or not sure, or you just don't think that it's worth it, like it's worth it, you just need to try, and it's going to be uncomfortable. You're going to cry, you're going to be pissed off that you're crying.
Unknown Speaker 46:44
Unknown Speaker 47:01
Yep, sounds about right?
Unknown Speaker 47:04
That emotional roller coaster be prepared, but it's the best roller coaster you've ever been
Unknown Speaker 47:09
on. It is and realizing that you can feel that and you're not going to die like you can feel it and you can, you can still wake up the next day, and it's just like a weight has lifted because you've let it go.
Unknown Speaker 47:27
I love that. All right. Thank you so much. Is there anything else that you want to share before we wrap up?
Unknown Speaker 47:33
I mean, just that you are absolutely wonderful, and, you know, I've told you this before, but like, You are so good at what you do, and I appreciate that you really have just the perfect blend of all right, I'm going to tell you the science of why your brain is being an asshole right now, and then we're going to intuitively figure this out, and we're going to work on that. Yeah, it's just such a good mix, and you are so supportive and encouraging, and I can't thank you enough for what you have done, because you have truly changed my life.
Unknown Speaker 47:38
Unknown Speaker 48:10
Thank you. I appreciate that you're gonna make me cry, but I really do appreciate
Unknown Speaker 48:16
payback for all the times you made me cry. Yep,
Unknown Speaker 48:19
nope. Letting that sink in. The emotions are good, happy, cheers. All right, I want to thank you so much for doing this because episode, I think it's just like, so powerful to have somebody else's like experience and being willing to be vulnerable and share it. I think is a transformation in our in of itself, because our stories have so much power. So I really, truly want to thank you, Lauren for being here and sharing this with everybody.
Unknown Speaker 48:47
Thank you so much for having me. It's been a blast as always.
Unknown Speaker 48:51
Yeah, all right,
Unknown Speaker 48:56
that's it.
Unknown Speaker 48:57
Unknown Speaker 48:59
That was fun.
Unknown Speaker 49:00
That was fun. That was so good. I feel like, whenever we do anything, it's always fun.
Unknown Speaker 49:06
I know,
Unknown Speaker 49:08
oh my goodness,
Unknown Speaker 49:13
remove my little No.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
