All right, let's get to it. Welcome back to Empowerment. Today we're gonna be talking about comparison. So when you see yourself getting stuck, compare and contrast of yourself against somebody else or whether it be physical features, whether it be things that other people have that you desire for yourself, whether it just be like how somebody else is handling a situation and you're just like beating the crap out of yourself because you're like, I'm just the crazy one who is having all these emotions and is, you know, screwing everything up. Everyone else has this all figured out except for me. Not the case. We are all human.
We all have roller coasters of emotions and the more you learn to understand your emotions the more you can kind of quote-unquote master them by making those roller coasters so much less dramatic but that is all a learned skill so this is something that has just been a common theme that I've been you know hearing people say coming clients coming with these issues so I really wanted to talk about the comparison game and I think this kind of fits in well in that in the membership we've been going over talking a lot about like self-love and unconditional self-love and acceptance and one of those things that tends to get in that way is beating ourselves up for our comparison of others because we're often like oh my god they're so much better than me like why am I not that so you're using what you visualize of their life to beat yourself up for that but then you're also like beating yourself up for the fact that you're comparing because especially if it's like somebody that you like
genuinely like you're like I shouldn't be like beating myself up for that for them but like we get in this whole cycle of beating the crap out of ourselves and I say this like over and over and over again for my clients like you cannot beat yourself into feeling better so this is really where we have to kind of understand you know why this happens and then like I'm going to give you a tool to actually kind of do that neuroscience brain reprogramming to shift the comparison game because comparing is not necessarily a problem because your brain is completely incapable of recognizing things that aren't relevant to it and here's like an extreme example of this is like way back there like when you know Christopher Columbus if I get the details of this story wrong I apologize but you get the point um so way back when the original like sailors oh my god why am i you know i mean the people who came to north america came in their big giant ships and there was there's a story of like the
natives standing on the beach and not being able to see it was definitely like the spanish I'm like, I'm my historic. Don't don't we're gonna go with it. Okay, just just be bear with me. Okay, so basically they came in the ships and they got out of their ships and were walking onto the beach and the natives were like looking out and they just saw like men walking out of the ocean onto the beach and they did not see the giant big-ass ships right because their brain had never seen a ship before of that magnitude and couldn't comprehend what it was seeing so instead of just seeing this thing and trying to interpret their brain just like literally blocked it out from their visual capability And this is so true for what our brains do. Your brains are constantly surveying your environment and only focusing and feeding you the information that is relevant to you. And so when we see qualities in other people, that are positive or negative.
Your brain is only bringing them to your awareness because it is something that your brain thinks is relevant. So this means that If you're comparing yourself to somebody else, your brain is doing this because it is something that your brain thinks and knows that you're capable of doing. And this isn't to say that like you're looking at somebody who is like master violinist and they're playing like the most beautiful thing in violin and you're like wow like I'm comparing myself in that like they are so good at their specific skill that doesn't mean that you're gonna be the most master violinist it's just you can be the master of what you're here to do like your soul pole thing you can be as equally good as that violinist but in your own unique you know, avenue that you're meant to follow. And so I have shifted this so much where I feel like don't really tend to compare myself as much.
I don't know if I want to say that like I still feel like I compare myself but what happens is I can like see myself comparing myself and I'm able to do this process that I'm going to teach you so quickly and it doesn't become a like whole self-sabotage session where I'm like just beating the crap out of myself it's just like oh like I like recognize this person as you know having some beautiful skill or a talent that's really cool or they have a successful business or whatever it may be and what I can do now is recognize that and be like okay so what is it that I'm actually you know desiring and finding that piece of it and then I'm going to get into this a little bit later on is like teaching you actually like how to see that evidence for yourself. So the moral of that basically being like you cannot see in other people what you do not have yourself.
So the reason that you're comparing yourself is probably because we have this want for that thing but You have the capability to either create that thing that they have, feel that way that they have, handle a situation in the way that they handle a situation. It is within your grasp because your brain is finding that as something that is relevant to it and comparing that and showing you and bringing that to your awareness. It is something that is possible for you. And I just like want you to let that sink in of like the only reason that your brain is fixating on this what other people are doing is because it says this is important and it's in my capability to create it now.
you can definitely like go about life fumbling through and figure out how to create it but there's also like so many ways and the more i figured this out the more i want to teach because i want you to be able to do it like 10 times faster than i could figure out so if it took me like five years 10 years to figure something out i want to take you like six months or a year because I found the way and I want to teach it to you so you can do it so much faster so you can accomplish and Create those things so much faster, but we have to do it intentionally It's not something that we can just sit on the couch and like wishful thinking being like oh, yeah, like look at this girl She's got like a super successful business and make such a big impact like I would love to do that and then just like sit there and watch Netflix it does take the mindset work it does take the actual going out and taking aligned actions that are the right actions for you because the right actions for me are going to
be a little different than the right actions for you and so figuring that out is definitely something that I work on with my clients but I really just want you to have this like, it's so possible, it is so possible for you to go after and have whatever it is that your brain is comparing you to it, but I also want to get into a lot of the times we have all of these comparisons because we want something. So what happens when we want something? Wanting something is a completely human thing, but what we are basically saying, like when we want something, whether it be a relationship, a successful business, a new job, a promotion, a pay raise, trampoline for your backyard, whatever the hell it is. When you are wanting something, what is actually happening in your subconscious brain is saying, I don't have. And when your brain is saying, I don't have, it says, I'm not enough. I'm not worthy. of having that thing.
And so if your subconscious brain, and I want you to remember that your conscious brain and your subconscious brain don't communicate. So your conscious brain could be like, Oh, yeah, like, I can go do these things like I can totally create this, like, no problem. I want this, I want this goal, blah, blah, blah. And your brain, your logical brain, your conscious brain is like coming up with all these ways that you could go do that thing and get it. But your subconscious brain is saying, okay, I want this thing that that means I don't have which means I'm not enough. I'm not worthy. There's something that I am missing, so I cannot create that thing. So if your subconscious brain is constantly running that program of I'm not enough, I'm not worthy for this thing that I want, it literally like sabotages. Your conscious brain is trying to make this forceful effort, but your subconscious brain is running the script of I'm not enough, I'm not worthy, don't give me this thing.
And so what actually happens is your subconscious brain sabotages and makes you show up in certain ways, have interactions with people, not make decisions or not move forward on things that actually prevents you from getting that thing that you want. So the higher your level of want actually pushes that thing away from you and this is called the law of opposing forces. So the more you like death grip onto something the more you actually push it away. So if you really want to create something you have to decrease your want for that. but that'll be a whole other lesson for another day. So what actually happens in that and why this is important is we have to kind of figure out, like, okay, so I've compared myself to this person. That's fine, like I'm recognizing that I can't compare unless I have that capability within myself, but what is it specifically that you desire? What is it that your brain wants from that comparison? Is it confidence? Is it tenacity?
Is it feeling like you got your shit together? Is it money? Is it time freedom what is your brain fixating on for them when we have that and then we look at it and say okay like how much do i want that thing oh like i want that pay raise i want the money like what how do i how much do i want that and i'm like oh no i want that a lot and so what's happening in the subconscious brain is saying i don't have i'm not enough i'm not worthy And it's running all of this, like, behind-the-scenes programming that shows up in your body language, in the way that you communicate, in the way that you, like, talk about yourself and interact with others, in the way you make decisions that is unfortunately sabotaging you from getting those things. And this is not another thing to beat yourself up for. This is so good because now you have this awareness and I'm gonna give you a tool to help you shift this. And I wouldn't tell you something that you, like, would be like, oh, you know, you're screwed.
Good luck. So don't worry, we're going to get a tool to help with this. So the want, but what I actually do when I figure out what it is that my brain has this desire for is I actually follow the why train of like, okay, I want the money. Okay, why do I want the money? What is it that this money is going to provide me? What do I think that I'm going to get if I get this money? And a lot of the time it always comes back to an emotion, like it's going to be safety, it's going to be security or whatnot. And so for me, real life example, recently being like, okay, In my long-term relationship, I have had a desire to get engaged. We've been together for a while now and this is something that like in the past I feel like with my marriage to Shane, everything moved so quickly. We literally finished school, we got engaged, we got married, yadda yadda yadda. Everything went so quickly.
And this relationship is definitely more of a slower path, which is 100% what I needed going through what I've gone through to be able to. I still have this like human thing of like oh, I want to be engaged. I want to be engaged and then it was kind of like okay Why why do I want to be engaged and I would like I have like co-workers and other people who are getting engaged and this is where the comparison thing comes in because I was literally like Looking at them being like I'm like jealous of them getting engaged like I want to be engaged like why am I not engaged all the things so I Basically, I went and looked at the like, why do I want to be engaged? So number one, remember, I can't see other people when I'm not capable of myself. So of course, I'm capable of getting engaged. But just remind your brain of that, because especially when it's like, you know, you see other like emotions and things that like, you're like, I wish I could handle a situation like that. You can do it too.
So the why, like, why do I want to get engaged? Okay, so for the engagement portion of it, like, it's a commitment, right? And I was like, okay, so I want proof that he's committed to me so that, you know, what, like, so that he can't quote unquote leave me. And I'm like, okay, well, that's totally a lie, because he could technically leave me if even if we weren't, if we weren't engaged, or if we were engaged, she could technically leave me too. So like, you know, people get divorced, people leave all those things, that doesn't fix it. But what was actually coming down to was I wanted this like external validation to prove that there was a commitment to me. But here's the thing, an external thing will not make you feel the way that you want to feel for longer than like 30 seconds or maybe a day. You get that thing, you get that high, but then you come back to reality and it doesn't change your subconscious brain, that brain that said I'm not enough.
