92. Why Boundaries Stop Working
You've said it out loud, you've been clear and you've drawn the line AND then they did it anyway.
If you've ever set a boundary only to watch someone walk straight through it like it wasn't even there this episode is going to explain exactly why that keeps happening and it's probably not what you think.
Janna breaks down the energetics of boundaries: why verbalizing a limit isn't enough, what your energy is actually telling the people around you, and why 90% of the time, the boundary isn't even the real issue. If you've been trying to set better, firmer, more enforced boundaries and wondering why it's still not working this is the missing piece.
Episode Highlights:
[0:00] — The question she gets constantly: how do I set better boundaries? Why aren't people respecting mine? I verbalized it and they did it anyway. Janna's opening reframe: there's a lot of energetics involved in why this keeps happening and a lot of the time, the boundary itself isn't actually what you need.
[2:12] — We are more energetic than physical. Down to the cellular level: cells → atoms → photons (light particles) and neutrons (neutral space). We are constantly projecting those light particles outward and other people are picking them up and responding to them, mostly without realizing it. This is science, not woo. It's your electromagnetic field.
[3:30] — You know this already from experience. You meet someone for the first time and immediately want to be their best friend or immediately want to burn your clothes after being in their presence. No words exchanged. You were reading their energy. That's the same field that is broadcasting your information to everyone around you.
[4:30] — What your energy is actually telling people: how you think and feel about yourself. Your brain runs the same thoughts on repeat, unconsciously, all day. Those thoughts generate emotions that haven't been processed. All of it the thoughts, the unfelt emotions, the dysregulated nervous system is being projected outward through your creator field, and it's handing everyone around you a script for how to treat you.
[6:55] — The mismatch that causes every failed boundary: you verbalize one thing, but your energy says something completely different. If your creator field is broadcasting "I don't respect myself, my needs don't matter, put me last" that's the script people follow. The verbal boundary gets crossed because people are responding to the energy, not the words. You said no out loud. Everything underneath said yes.
[9:17] — This isn't about bad people. Most of the people crossing your boundaries aren't doing it consciously. They're just going through life on autopilot, picking up the energy you're projecting and responding accordingly. Even Janna after years of inner work has caught herself getting sucked into someone else's script without realizing it. It takes awareness, capacity, and regulation to override someone else's energy. Most people don't have those tools.
[10:50] — What happens when a boundary gets crossed: it makes everything worse. When you set a boundary and someone ignores it, it amplifies every negative belief you already have about yourself my words don't matter, I'm not respected, I'm not important. Trying to set boundaries before you've done the inner work can actually deepen the self-criticism instead of protecting you from it.
[12:00] — The root of most boundary problems: childhood belief systems. A child who watched their needs be ignored, whose words weren't taken seriously, created a belief "my needs aren't important." That belief has been running in the background ever since, broadcasting through the creator field, and inviting people to confirm it. They're just following the script that's been handed to them.
[13:54] — The real question to ask: not "how do I enforce this better" but what is it about this situation that makes me feel I need a boundary? What do I make it mean about myself when someone crosses it? Keep asking. The first couple of answers your brain gives you aren't the root. You keep going until you get the full-body "oh that's what this is actually about" moment.
[16:00] — 90% of the time, you don't need a boundary. You need a different script. When you shift your internal energy when the beliefs, the emotions, and the nervous system start to change people around you change too. You start getting the respect, the prioritization, the consideration you've been trying to mandate through rules. And you didn't have to fight for any of it. The energy did it.
[17:37] — When boundaries DO work: when your inner world and your outer words are actually aligned. When you genuinely believe your needs matter, your time is valuable, and you are a priority the verbal boundary has energy backing it up. People feel the difference. They don't cross it, because there's nothing underneath saying they should.
Try This After the Episode:
The next time you feel like you need to set a boundary with someone, pause before you say anything and ask:
What is it about this situation that makes me feel I need a limit here?
Then ask again: What am I making this mean about me?
Keep going until you hit something that feels deeper than the surface answer. Notice if there's a belief underneath about your worth, your needs, whether your words matter. That's where the real work is.
And notice: has this dynamic shown up before, with different people? If the pattern follows you across relationships, the thread isn't them.
Reflection Questions:
- Think of a time a boundary you set got crossed. How did it make you feel about yourself not just about them?
- Is there a pattern in how certain people treat you and does it feel familiar from earlier in your life?
- If your energy is broadcasting a script to the people around you right now, what do you think it says?
- What would it feel like to not need to set a boundary because people just... naturally treated you the way you actually want?
Mentioned in This Episode:
- 🔗 How to Stop Being a Toxic Bitch to Yourself Janna's 6-module live program starting November 5th. Brain reprogramming, emotional processing, and nervous system safety the full inner work that changes what your creator field is broadcasting. → jannaholterman.com/stopbeingatoxicbitch
- 📌 November 16 at 3pm EST Free Masterclass: Boundaries A deeper, ~1-hour live dive into the energetics of boundaries
Connect with Janna:
- Instagram: @jannaholterman
- Website: jannaholterman.com
- Podcast: Unlocking Your More available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Substack, Amazon Music, and iHeart Radio
If this one landed:
Share it with anyone who's been told they just need to "set better limits" and is frustrated that the advice isn't working. The reason it's not working is in this episode.
Leave a review and subscribe there's a lot more coming.
Keywords: why boundaries don't work, boundaries keep getting crossed, energetics of boundaries, how to set better limits, boundary setting self-worth, electromagnetic field relationships, creator field boundaries, why people don't respect my limits, belief systems and boundaries, inner work and relationships, self-respect and boundaries, childhood beliefs and relationships, nervous system and relationships, Janna Holterman, Unlocking Your More podcast, how to stop being a toxic bitch to yourself
